I usually wait to write blog posts until I am inspired by something. It just flows and is easier to write. But this week, I am uninspired. So I will write about how uninspired I am.
This week has been just blah. A few days ago I was still riding the high from New York, where I had help from family and a night out in Manhattan. I even got to go see a movie by myself (one of my favorite things). And now I am home. All. Week. Long.
It's ironic that even though I am a stay at home mom, Mondays are as daunting as ever. On Sunday nights, the idea of a whole, blank week ahead is overwhelming. I try to find ways to fill each afternoon with at least one activity. Sometimes it's a playdate. Other days it's a walk. Some days it is a trip to the drive thru CVS Pharmacy (if everything were drive thru, my life would be so much easier). Being the Type A personality that I am, I usually try and have everything "scheduled" by Sunday night. But some weeks I am lagging. Such is this week. Braden is due to wake up any second. And then what will we do? Whatever will we do? (Cue sad orchestra music.)
This morning, while Braden was at school, I took Casey, my six month old, over to a friend's house. She just had a baby girl, and I had not seen the baby yet. I actually met my friend through her husband - we used to work together at Dickstein. When I arrived at her house, I saw my former co-worker getting in his car to leave. I was able to say hello, and it was good to catch up. As he drove away it was a weird feeling. I knew exactly where he was headed, which office, which parking lot. I knew who he would speak to, where his secretary was sitting, and what cases he is working on. For a brief second, I felt a twinge of jealousy. I'm not sure why. I was there in my jeans and t-shirt, about to have a relaxing morning with a friend, my adorable baby boy, and a precious newborn girl. I had brought Starbucks. This is what I wanted.
After the "playdate" (if you can call it that at that age), I drove to get my other son from school while my thoughts ran wild. Maybe I should find something part time - just a couple of days a week to get out of the house and keep my sanity. But what? I've been in the law firm world for so long that I don't even know what else I can do. Everyone says you can do so much with a law degree. But really? Like what? With law, it seems to be so all or nothing. Is it possible to find a place to truly work part time, and maintain a reasonable life? Apart from firms and the government, where do I even search for part time employment? This is a serious question. If you know, feel free to comment!
I love writing this blog, but will there come a point when I have nothing left to write about? Will my life become that mundane?
I have to admit, on days like this I do question my decision to be at home. It's not that I want to be back at a firm, maybe just back at something - so I have something else to dwell on, other than potties, diapers, dinners, nap schedules...
I'll get my positive attitude back soon. I promise. In any event, I have chosen this evening as my weeknight to have wine. Ahhhhh. All I want right now is peace and quiet and wine and reruns of Sixteen and Pregnant. Only 5 hours to go. Until then, I hear both boys stirring from their naps. Here we go...
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Really interesting. I sometimes think about this because I went from legal life to finance life, where I buy businesses for the company I work for. Some weeks there is a ton to do, and some weeks, nada. I find myself itching for a to do list to attack, even though the tiems that would be on it are not exactly the most value-creating things ever.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is the type A thing. I'm single, so I worry about losing relevance. If I have none at work, there really isn't anywhere else to get any. But you are the most important thing to two very special people, plus your husband. That's about as relevant as a person can be, to do list or no.
I vote for some good books, good food, good yoga classes, and one big, fat, enjoyment- filled future with your family. :)
I'm jealous!
Every time I hear that phrase "there's so much you can do with a law degree" I want to punch something! It's such a lie! Sure, there are different variations of legal work you can do, but you're right, it's an all-or-nothing kind of profession. Having left my law firm job last summer, I'm starting to feel the desire to do some kind of work, maybe part-time, that would give me some social interaction and feelings of productivity. But I am at a total loss - the only thing I can really do is be a lawyer! There are so many things I would be interested in doing, but it seems like I'd have to start over completely and go back to school - not an option! Thanks for this really honest post.
ReplyDeleteSixteen & Pregnant + wine. So embarrassing to admit how perfect that combination is, especially after a hard day at work (office work, home work, whatever kind of work). Happy to hear other smart women enjoy that terrible show as much as I do!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.makehappyblog.com/
Why not try some pro bono work? There are many different organizations that facilitate pro bono projects in DC and you could control the number of hours worked.
ReplyDeleteyou can totally do other stuff with a law degree- nothing technical like engineering or architecture (but its not like those degrees are versatile). you just have to get someone to hire you.
ReplyDeletelawyers whine too much.
There should never come a point where you have nothing left to write about. There are zillion of SAHMs with blogs that write beautiful things every day. A job doesn't have to be what defines you.
ReplyDeleteInteresting blog, enjoying reading it. I hope that one day you can find a way to still be involved and contribute as a lawyer. I can tell you love the stuff. Being married to a lawyer and seeing my wife's passion for it and wanting to study law myself, I can relate a little.
ReplyDeleteThere's also the Kimbro do-it-yourself-virtually model:
ReplyDeletewww.kimbrolaw.com/
And can't you become a court appointed attorney through the local courts? Although that's more criminal/DSSish. I would personally avoid court-appointed work like the plague.
My question is, when does it get better? I mean when does childrearing get less UTTERLY exhausting? And don't tell me it never gets less intense, the intensity just changes, because I KNOW that if kids acted like 1 year olds or 3 year olds forever - (eg, tantrums in the grocery store, multiple night awakenings, grabbing at your legs and screaming while you're making dinner, whining and grunting rather than talking) then no one would procreate. Is it elementary school? Middle school? The teenage years? Can someone who's been through it please comment on this?
ReplyDeleteFor boys it starts to get better at 4 - then better and better and better - 8, 9, 10, 11 is glorious - I hear it gets terrible again at 13 - don't know yet.
ReplyDeleteMy 5 year old boy is still causing my stay-at-home wife heartburn on a regular basis, particularly when he acts like he's 2, which is too often.
ReplyDeleteit sounds to me like you want what everyone wants (kids or no kids) - a job you love with hours that also let you enjoy your personal life! unfortunately, that doesn't come easy. part time work is usually earned. that is, there just aren't a ton of employers out there advertising part time positions - those positions go to the full time employees who have paid their dues, proven they are hard workers, etc. it is so tough to find part time work.
ReplyDeleteand there ARE other things you can do with a law degree. the problem, i think, is that most people who go to top schools, get great grades, and go the biglaw route have never actually had to do a true job search (on-campus interviewing doesn't count, lateraling to a different firm doesn't count). so, it isn't the lack of other jobs that is the problem, but the lack of fundamental job search skills.
I have to agree with the last paragraph of 5/3/11 at 8:39pm.
ReplyDeleteThere are numerous transferrable skills but you have to figure out what it is you would like to do... that is the hard part. A lot of hard work and a bit of luck and I moved into a non-traditional position and it happens to be at a big firm. But the road is not easy. I am much happier now than I was ever in a traditional legal career. The part of feeling relevant... well truth be told most people go through that at many different points in their lives. In the spare moments you have during the day explore things that make you happy and see what develops. There are many yardsticks that can be used to measure one's life... be sure to pick the right one for you. Good luck and remember you do make a difference!
@ 7/5/11 6:40pm - I love your comment. Thank you.
ReplyDelete