All Grown Up

Do you ever have those moments where you have a sudden realization that you are a real grown up?  And it is shocking to you?

I've had some of them - much more so lately.  Whenever my husband and I discuss our mortgage or interest rates or 401ks, I have this sensation of: "Woah, I'm old.  This is real grown up stuff."  Or when I hear myself giving timeouts or urging Braden to eat vegetables.  I think, "Wow, I'm really a parent.  Listen to me!"  It's just a gentle reminder of the nail in the coffin of my youth.  That, and the minivan that I drive.  

I had another one of those moments a few days ago.  It was this past Sunday morning, the first morning in our vacation house in Cape Cod.  Though I have come up to Cape Cod every summer of my life, until this year, we have always stayed at my dad's rental house.  But now, the four of us are quite the gaggle, and are a bit more conspicuous than your typical house guests.  So this year, we decided to get our own house.  After all, we are grown ups, right?


So on Sunday my husband and I both got up with the kids at 7:15, and hunkered down in our temporary living room.  My husband got Braden's breakfast ready, and I gave Casey a bottle.  As we went about our morning, I had a moment.  I looked around, at my husband, at my two boys, at the house...  And I couldn't believe it.  Is this really my husband?  Are these two boys really my sons?  Are we really renting this house, just for the four of us?  Are we a real family?  Is this what my grownup life is going to be?

I sat there in the the midst of a mundane morning and realized the answer is yes.  A huge smile came across my face, and I basked in the short lived awareness of my reality.  We did it.  My husband and I did it.  We met.  We got  married.  We built a family - two amazing boys, to be precise (and a dog named Couscous).  We have given them a house.  And food.  And toys.  And a vacation.

You know the life you always dream about having when you are young?  It's always a fantasy, with a faceless husband and genderless kids and vague plans.  I am in it right now.  This is it.  And does it really get any better?  My boys are adorable, healthy, happy, and loving.  They don't hate me yet.  My parents are alive and well.  My husband and I are more in love than ever.  And despite leaving my job, here we are, on vacation, as a a family.  A family of four.

Sometimes I feel like the luckiest person in the world.  Being a grown up isn't so bad after all.