Hello Darkness My Old Friend

The weather this past weekend was downright depressing.  Cold, rainy, gloomy, curl up in pajama type weather.  It was a premature reminder of the dark months to come.

For the past four years, I have fallen into a winter funk from mid-November - February.  I can't say it's depression per se, but I generally am sluggish, bored, unmotivated, and never wanting to leave the house because it's too damn cold - just blah.  I find myself crossing days off of the calendar and counting down the days until daylight savings time.  I think this funk has been the result of one or more of the following factors:

- morning sickness
- post partum depression
- the drafting of a ridiculous number of deposition outlines with a completely unmanageable deadline
- a crying newborn
- a lack of sleep
- sunsets before 5pm
- the self loathing of post-baby weight
- the announcement of salary freezes
- an impending return from maternity leave
- the stress of childcare to cover impending return to maternity leave
- Snowmageddon (twice - once resulting in a tree falling on my house)

Among others.

In the interest of living in the moment, this year I would like to avoid this "get winter overwith" countdown.  I mean, winter can be nice, right?  Holidays, beautiful snow, fashionable sweaters, cozying up with hot chocolate.  (I am resisting the urge to characterize this instead as family drama, hazardous roads, a reminder that I'm not as skinny as I used to be, and gross watery hot beverages).  To keep things positive this year, I am taking the following measures:

- I will not become pregnant.  (I promise!)
- I will not care for a newborn.  (A guarantee).
- I will not endure any unmanageable work deadlines.  (I quit, remember?)
- I will break up the winter by going here.  (Ahhhhhh)
- And I will invest in this:

Natural Bright Sun Touch Plus Light and Ion Therapy Light

Sold at Target, for the bargain price of $139.99.

Why would I spend $140 for a lamp?  Let me introduce you to Seasonal Affective Disorder.  According to the NIH, this disorder entails "episodes of depression that occur at a certain time of the year, usually during winter months."  Apparently the disorder affects women more than men (of course, doesn't everything?), is more likely in people who endure "long winter nights," and is exacerbated by hormones.  Ha!  Me?  Hormones?

Who knows if I really have this.  Maybe it's all a hoax.  But apparently this UV light thing helps.  So why not?  The only potential side effects are eyestrain, headache, and less often, mania.  Hmmm, mania.  That would make for interesting blog posts.

But at least I wouldn't be in a winter funk.