Earlier this week Braden asked me what Mother's Day was. After a long winded explanation, involving explicit instructions to not disturb me until after 10am on Sunday, he asked the quintessential little kid question:
When is kid's day?
To which I gave the quintessential adult answer:
Everyday is kid's day.
It's true isn't it?
And it got me thinking. How is that fair?
Why is it that we mothers have to wait until Mother's Day, a fake, generic, impossible to get brunch reservations Hallmark holiday, to take a little time for ourselves? To ask for what we want?
And what is it mother's really want? It's not flowers or jewelry or framed pictures of the family. (Those are nice - thanks, honey).
It's time for ourselves.
Because every day of every month of every year we spend every ounce of ourselves on others - on our work, on our husbands, on our kids. And guilt ensures that we wouldn't have it any other way.
We do it with a smile (most of the time). But we are tired. We are burnt out. We are, in many ways, shadows of our former selves, straining to remember who we were and what we used to do before we had the children that we love more than anything.
In many ways, that's the inevitable result of wanting it all.
But it doesn't mean that we don't deserve more time for ourselves. With no guilt, no regrets, and no second thoughts. We shouldn't have to wait until May to be told that we are entitled to a luxury or two.
What we mothers need to ask for on Mother's Day is the opportunity for more Mother's Days. For time to regroup. For time to self reflect. For time to find ourselves again.
Because although we are mothers, a job that brings more joy than anything, we are also women. With an identity. With needs. With dreams.
And the more we are allowed to take some time outs, the better mothers we will be for it.
So lets all enjoy our brunch, our sleep in, and some well deserved pampering this Sunday.
But lets do it more often.
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I take a vacation day once a quarter and go to Red Door. I feel no guilt - it is my vacation day. I don't want to spend my weekends doing that, as I want to be with my family. If I did use a Saturday, I would feel guilty, because that is precious time I could spend with them. But, quarterly is just enough to keep me recharged, but not so often that I feel over-indulgent.
ReplyDeleteAmen! It's so annoying how SAHMs hardly get recognition for putting in 12-15 hour days EVERY SINGLE DAY with no vacations or holidays. I've had some crazy clients, but there is NO client crazier or more irrationally demanding than a baby/toddler! We deserve a regular break. And if not, at least some recognition!
ReplyDeleteWhen my husband asked me what I wanted for mother's day i told him i wanted Time! Not time off, but just time! I wish i had 30 hour days so i could squeeze in TV time, or read a book before bed.Time to enjoy my kids after i get home from work, time with my husband after the kids are in bed. Ah, and can I squeeze in an 8 hour of sleep?? :)
ReplyDeleteOnce again, a very wonderful post. Thank you so much for this. We take care of a lot of things; family, work, bills, chores that we tend to forget ourselves. And yes, we are tired. But somehow, it suddenly evaporates with a single hug, a kiss, a sincere expression of love. Whenever that happens, i'm glad I have them.
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