The Lies I Tell

I like to think I'm an honest person.  At least, I try to be.  That's kind of what this blog is about - being honest, sincere, getting it all out there.  It's refreshing, it's cathartic, it's restorative. 

But God, I'm a huge hypocrite.  Because I lie to my kids all the time. 

These aren't big lies, mind you.  They are lies for their own benefit - for their health, their discipline, their state of mind.  Everyone does this, right?  Right? 

Such as:  

Lie:
It is very important to eat your vegetables. If you don't eat your vegetables, you won't grow big and strong.
Truth:
Mommy never eats the vegetables that she makes for you every night. Ever. Not to mention, when Mommy was a kid, she used to hide her vegetables in her underwear and dispose of them after mealtime, and she turned out just fine (arguably).
 
Lie
If you don't stop that behavior, there will be no television for the rest of the night. 
Truth
Mommy will never follow through with this consequence.  Because above all else, this only hurts Mommy. 

Lie
We don't need to be afraid of airplanes.  Airplanes are so much fun!  We love airplanes!
Truth
Airplanes are flying fireballs and if ignited, will plummet you to your death.  Your mommy must be significantly drugged to step upon one, and that is why she smiles so much during the flight. 

Lie
Even though Mommy leaves sometimes, Mommy always comes back.
Truth
Someday Mommy will die and she won't come back.  Hopefully that won't be for a while.  This happens to all living things, by the way. 

Lie
Shots aren't that big of a deal.  They only hurt for an itty bitty second.  You can be a brave boy, right?
Truth
Sometimes they hurt like hell.  And as a matter of fact, the sight of a needle entering flesh is enough to make Mommy pass out, which is why Mommy always looks straight into your eyes when the nurse stabs you in the arm. 

Lie
It's not nice to call someone a bad name, especially something like "stupid." 
Truth
The check out cashier at Old Navy yesterday was a stupid effing idiot, and Mommy got so impatient she almost told him so. 

Lie
It's important to always follow the rules. 
Truth
In the past month, Mommy has gotten three speeding tickets from speed cameras, and Daddy has said he will kill her if she gets another one.  Mommy has not yet told Daddy that she forgot about the speed camera in the K Street tunnel on Sunday and she is hoping for the best. 

Lie
When you grow up, you can be anything you want to be. 
Truth
Well, this is kind of true, but within the constraints of talent, the cost of higher education, the economy at large, supply and demand, geographic location, and luck.  And Mommy will withdraw all support from you if you choose a career that puts you in any physical danger.  But other than that, go for it.

I say the truth is overrated.  At least for now.