A Revolution Against Males (Inspired by my Hall Bathroom)

I know it seems like I've been all pro-female, I am woman hear me roar lately.  That's not usually my shtick.  But as I sit here, smelling the stench of urine emanating from my hall bathroom, I feel compelled to make this pitch for a revolution against modern men.

Braden has been potty trained for two years now.  But somehow, he still can't quite get it in there. It's on the toilet seat, on the floor, on the walls, and in some unfortunate circumstances, clear across the bathroom when he suddenly turns to tell me something mid-stream.  

I clean that bathroom often.  I scrub.  I light candles.  I open windows.

It still reeks of urine.   

I can't blame Braden, because really, he's just doing what he's told.  He's standing.  He shakes when he's done.  He's doing what males do.  Which leads me to the question...

Really?  This is how men behave in an advanced society?  

Lets break this down.  

1) On what basis is it okay to not wipe?  

I can't claim to know exactly how it feels to have the male anatomy, but after careful observation and my experience with my son, I can say that the "shake shake" one does after urinating is not adequate.  THERE IS ALWAYS AT LEAST A DROP.  And that is repulsive.  What happened to the wipe?  Is it toilet paper conservation?  Laziness?  Habit?  I don't know, but please, for the love of God, just wipe one time!  We women do it ever. single. time.  It's clean.  It's sanitary.  It's civilized, people.  

2)  Why must one stand? 

I acknowledge that sometimes standing has its perks.  In public restrooms, for example, or if one stops on the side of the road.  But in one's home, why is this the standard?  There is no way, no matter how precise one attempts to be, to make sure there is no backplashage.  There is inevitably some spray.  This is disgusting.  You all sit on the toilet at times, right?  You know how to do it?  Just do it all the time!  (And wipe when you're done, as per #1)

3) How is it acceptable to not wipe up any spillage? 

Have you ever picked up the toilet seat and looked at the residue left by the men in your life?  It is deplorable.  There are yellow, crusted drips everywhere.  Now look, I'm not going to lie, occasionally, for whatever reason, I have had a bit of spillage.  Do you know what I do?  I WIPE IT UP MYSELF.  I don't accept it and leave it there to sit and rot and smell until someone else comes and scrubs it.  

This has gone on long enough.  

Women, this weekend, take some time to talk to the men in your lives.  We owe it to ourselves.  To our children.  To the inventors of modern plumbing.  

THIS MUST CHANGE.